If you’re struggling with anxious thoughts about that dreaded (but really cool!) job interview or anything consuming your brain, draw a circle and write down every stressy thing you can control about this situation inside of it. Were they passed down to you growing up? Would shifting some of those outdated beliefs take the pressure off? 4.
Why are you judging yourself, and can you cut yourself some slack? Then, for extra credit, think about where these benchmarks came from.
Try it: If you catch yourself “shoulding,” pause and think about the situation realistically. Consider where this statement is coming from and what it’s really telling you about your wants and needs. To get out of a “should” storm, try to replace judgment with curiosity, suggests Dr. Even the “shoulds” you think are harmless- I shouldn’t watch Netflix this late-can be problematic if they make you feel guilty or shameful. You know, things like: I should be married with kids by now, I shouldn’t have to ask for help, I should have more friends, I shouldn’t wear my hair natural, etc. They weigh us down since they “stink of perfectionism” and often just set us up for failure or disappointment, she notes. “Should” statements are shamey judgments often based on personal beliefs or “arbitrary standards created by society,” says licensed clinical psychologist Melissa Robinson-Brown, PhD. Flexing that self-compassion muscle feels good. Try it: The next time you’re talking down to or criticizing yourself, imagine what you’d say to 5-year-old you. So, when something triggers your inner critic, you might just be more understanding when you spot little you staring you in the face, just like speaking to yourself like a friend. “Connecting to the inner-child within us can potentially evoke a sensitivity to how we speak to ourselves,” she says. To remind yourself to be nicer to.yourself, keep a photo of you as a happy kid near your negative self-talk hotspots (your desk, your bathroom mirror, or just on your phone), explains licensed clinical psychologist Nina Polyné, PsyD. The way you speak to yourself every day can really influence your mood and your overall self-worth. Kirmayer, but that’s why practicing this type of self-talk is so important. It might not work for you right away, notes Dr. You can also think of it as what you’d want a friend to say to you in this moment. Write it down on a piece of paper or in your phone so you can see it (or say it out loud). You’ve got this!” Instead of sticking to criticism, you’re encouraging yourself to make better choices in the future. Ask yourself, “What would I say to a friend in this moment?” Maybe you’d say something like, “Damn, prioritizing your schedule might help next time. Try it: When your negative self-talk engine is revving, pause and regroup. It's about bringing a compassionate voice to those situations,” she explains. “It's not about excusing things that we wish we didn't do. And criticism, on the other hand, won’t encourage change in the same way. Self-compassion is a tool for taking ownership for your actions in a way that feels safe, says Dr. “We tend to be far more compassionate to the people around us than to ourselves,” says clinical psychologist Miriam Kirmayer, PhD. If you berate yourself for putting the wrong address in your GPS or for missing that work deadline you wrote in big block letters on your brain’s to-do list, switch your tone to how you’d speak with a friend (see: with a bit more honesty and understanding). if you’re worried about your thoughts and/or think you may be in danger, it might be time to seek out a mental health professional.) 1. Here are therapist-backed tips to help you handle those negative thoughts and some smart ways to try them for yourself. Still, there are methods to cope when they do happen.
DARK THOUGHTS HOW TO
Thus, it’s time to stop putting up with that nonsense.īefore we get into how to do all that, it’s worth noting that you might not be able to stop these thoughts from popping up altogether (a bummer, we know). But just because something is super common doesn't mean it’s not distracting, unpleasant, and maybe even harmful to your mental health. Thing is, these sneak attacks happen all the time to practically everyone and can come in many forms: Intrusive thoughts, rumination, negative self-talk-the gang’s all here. You can probably kiss that promotion goodbye.” Which, rude. You’re walking around living your life and *boom* you’re personally victimized by your own brain saying things like, “You really effed up that work assignment today.
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